Posted on September 25, 2011
Wife: Nothing…?? but you have been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was just looking for the expiry date.
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.
So this old man goes to the doctor and the doctor says, “Your test results came back and I’m afraid I have some bad news. First I want to let you know that You have Cancer. Secondly, you have Alzheimer’s”. A moment later after a deep thought, the old man says, “That ain’t so bad, at least I don’t have Cancer!”
Today’s Parenting Tip: Treat a difficult child the way you would your boss at work. Praise his achievements, ignore his tantrums and resist the urge to sit him down and explain to him how his brain is not yet fully developed. ~Robert Brault
A religious woman upon waking up each morning would open her front door stand on the porch and scream, “Praise the lord.” This infuriates her atheist neighbor who would always make sure to counter back, “there is no Lord.” One morning the atheist neighbor overheard his neighbor praying for food, thinking it would be funny, he went and bought her all sorts of groceries and left them on her porch. The next morning the lady screamed, “praise the Lord, who gave me this food.” The neighbor laughing so hard he could barely get the words out screamed “it wasn’t the Lord, it was me.” The lady without missing a beat screamed “praise the Lord for not only giving me food but making the atheist pay for it!!”
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